Friday, March 28, 2008

adam and eve

After Adam and Eve had been romping around and had a great time in
the
Garden for a couple of days, Adam was reflecting on God's wise
choice
of
providing him a mate, and he wanted to thank the Creator
personally.
"Hi God. Say, thanks a lot for the woman you made for me, even
though
I still got that pain in my side," Adam said.

"Don't mention it," God replied.
"By the way, I like how you made her so soft and warm." Adam said.

"That was so you will love her," God answered.
"And her hair is soft and silky," said Adam. "That was so you will

love her," God answers.
"And she is so small, and I feel big and strong beside her," said
Adam. "hat was so you will love her," God answers.
"Hmmm, nice ... and she is so pretty and has a soothing voice."
"That was so you will love her," God answers.

"Yes, I do love her, but God, why did you make her so dumb?"

"That was so SHE will love YOU."

johnie smart ass

Johnie goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to
learn
> multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
> multi-syllable word?"
> Johnie waves his hand, "Me, teacher, me, me!"
> Teacher says "All right, little Johnie, what is your multi-syllable
> word?"
> Little Johnie says "Mas-tur-bate."
> Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnie, that's a mouthful."
> Johnie says "No teacher, you're thinking of a blowjob...

very funny

It is near the end of the school
> year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really
> nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is
> nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says,
"Whoever
> answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leaveearly
today."
> Little Johnny says to himself,"Good, I want to get outta here. I'm
smart
> and will answer the question".The teacher asked,
> "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'? Before Johnny could open

> his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's
right
> Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first. The
teacher
> asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his
> mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's
right
> Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary
> answered first. The teacher asked, "Who said
> 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could
open
his
> mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right
> Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Nancy answered
> first. Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish
these
> bitches would keep their
> mouths shut". The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL
> CLINTON, CAN
> I GO NOW?"

Bill Gates goes to hell

Bill Gates dies and finds himself being sized up by God.
>
> "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether
to
> send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society

by
> putting a computer in every home in America, yet you also created
that
> ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done
before.
> I'm
> going to let you decide where you want to go."
>
> Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
>
> God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see
if it
> will help your decision."
>
> "Okay then, " said Bill, "let's try Hell first."
>
> Bill went to Hell. It was beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear
waters
> and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water,
laughing
> and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect.

He
> was very pleased.
>
> "This is great," he told God. "If this is Hell, I really want to see

> Heaven."
>
> "Fine," said God, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the
> clouds,with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was

> nice,
> but not as enticing as Hell.
>
> Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think

I'd
> prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," replied God, "as you desire."
>
> Bill Gates went to Hell.
>
> Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see
how
> he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to
a
> wall
> screaming amongst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and
tortured by
> demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma no matter how
loudly
he
> screamed.
>
> "How's everything going?" He asked Bill. "This is awful. This is
> nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this
is
> happening. What happened to that other place, with the beaches and
the
> beautiful women playing in the water?"
>
> "Oh," God said ...."That was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 98.